ADYNATON

Do you believe in ghosts?

No, not really.

Why not?

Well I just don’t see the point of it. It doesn’t make sense. Dead is dead and that’s how it stays.

What about zombies? Vampires? Ex-girlfriends?

Norman.

Stop calling me Norman. I’m not Norman anymore. I’m the N-Man.

No, no you’re not.

Joe, seriously. I’m trying to reinvent myself. This is a huge opportunity for me. New school, new town, new life that doesn’t involve being who I used to be. I get to leave everything I don’t want to be behind.

I’m still not calling you the “N-Man.” Someone will punch me. Someone will punch you.

Fine, but you’ve gotta help me come up with a new name. I mean, what kind of parents name their kid Norman. Do you know how many times I’ve been beaten up?

Trust me, it’s not because of your name.

And would you believe that the only real nickname for Norman is Norm. That’s so much worse. That makes me sound like a pedophile, or an uncomfortable murderer that wears pantyhose.

I wouldn’t be surprised.

Dude. Rude. At least your parents gave you a normal name.

I know.

Do you think ghosts get to change their names when they die? Like the Pope? Or pop stars?

What is with you and ghosts today?

Well, I don’t want to freak you out or anything, but I totally saw a ghost and we should go investigate like right now so we can get our own tv show.

No way in hell.

But that’s the thing, if we were to find the ghost, then we could pull out a ouija board and contact hell and it would be just like in the movies. You would die and I’d become the hero by saving the girl at the very end.

There is no girl.

Yes there is, she’s in the window. She’s the ghost. That’s the plot twist.

Wait, hold up. Norman, who’s the ghost in the window?

You know that house at the end of the street?

Yes.

Yeah, and there are never any lights on in the house or cars in the driveway.

Yes Norman, I know the house. Stop talking about it.

Why? Do people not talk about it cause it’s haunted? It’s clearly haunted, there was a girl in the window and everything.

There was no one in the window, Norman. No girl lives in that house.

See! Obviously a ghost!

When did you see her? Are you sure it was a girl?

I don’t see how the gender of the ghost matters.

God, Norman, was it a girl or not?

I think it was a girl. There was definitely some long hair on white skin. It was The Grudge with acne cream.

I still don’t see why this matters. No one lives in the house anyway.

I didn’t say no one lives in the house. Yes you did, you said, and I quote, “No one lives in that house.”

Ugh. Do you even listen when I talk?

That was a direct quote. From the source.

No, it wasn’t. I said no girl lives in the house.

Right, that’s what I said. People live in that house. Used to at least. I think they still do, though no one has seen them in years. I solved the mystery! They all died in the house because no one ever came to give them food, and now they’re all ghosts and the girl stands in the window staring at the stud she could’ve had if she had only lived a few year later.

Norman.

So what if someone lives in the house still? I’m hot, they can check me out.

Really? If there was a ghost, your response would be “they can check me out?”

They now have my permission. Ghosts have to have permission to do things. I read that somewhere.

What if the ghost was a guy?

I still don’t see how the gender of the ghost matters.